Duality
by DimiGex
Summary: Tsunade struggles after killing civilians on a mission


**Author's Note:** This was part of a drabble challenge that I'll hopefully complete sometime this year lol The prompt was "If you'll excuse me, I need to create a hangover to nurse". The bonus word/concept was duality.

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"Significant injuries?"

The question, part of the standard mission debriefing, struck Tsunade the wrong way. Constant exhaustion dragged at her shoulders, shortening her already volatile temper. She huffed out a breath. "Jiraiya nearly lost his hand, but that doesn't count, does it? I healed in the field."

"Hime," Jiraiya warned under his breath, then raised the arm in question. "All's well that ends well, right?"

"It didn't end well for the ones we killed." Tsunade rounded on her former sensei spitting the words. "It wasn't just shinobi this time was it?"

Hiruzen sighed and leaned back in his chair, eyeing the shinobi. Tsunade focused on a point above the man's head but felt her teammates shifting beside her. They'd been back in the village for less than an hour, and emotions were still running high. It hadn't been a pleasant few days.

"The loss of life was regrettable," Orochimaru admitted, brushing long fingers over his pristine uniform to remove imaginary dust. "But unavoidable."

Tsunade hissed. "If you'd controlled your attacks better instead of-"

"Enough," Hiruzen thundered as Jiraiya slid between his teammates. The jonin snapped to attention like wayward genin. Tsunade hated herself for being manipulated so easily and immediately slouched. Hiruzen ignored the movement. "Orochimaru is right; we're at war, Tsunade. Collateral damage is an unfortunate necessity. Shinobi must bear such burdens."

"It's bullshit," Tsunade fumed as the memory of defenseless, mangled bodies flooded her mind. The civilians hadn't stood a chance against Orochimaru's jutsu. She'd tried to save them, but she hadn't been quick enough. Even if Konoha was at war, the civilians weren't the enemy. Men, women, and children had huddled in their houses, hoping to avoid the conflict. They'd killed dozens of them if not more. "What makes us better than rogue shinobi if the end justifies the means?"

Hiruzen sighed. "That's enough."

Tsunade pressed her lips together so tightly that they ached. The Hokage watched her, waiting for another outburst, but she held her tongue. After a moment, he nodded. "Take the night off, but report back first thing tomorrow. Konoha can't afford to have you idle for long."

Jiraiya and Orochimaru moved toward the door, but Tsunade remained rooted to the spot, hands on hips. Before she could say anything else, Jiraiya hooked an arm through hers and half dragged her from the office. In the hallway, she jerked away and turned to face the man squarely. "You agree with him?"

Sighing, the white haired man lifted a hand to rub the back of his neck. "He's right, Hime. Can you honestly weigh their lives against what those shinobi were capable of doing to Konoha? Were planning to do? They'd have killed our citizens just as easily."

Ignoring the pointed look from Jiraiya when he opened his mouth, Orochimaru spoke. "It was a necessary sacrifice. We make these decisions all the time."

Tsunade knew they were right, but the logic infuriated her. These shinobi had been planning massive attacks that had the potential to wipe out large sections of Konoha's army. They'd used their own people as a shield, thinking Konoha would never authorize lethal force around civilians. The gamble had paid off poorly.

"It's easier for you," Tsunade accused."You're just shinobi, not medics. You don't have to deal with this, this," she paused, struggling to find the right word, then cursed. "With this fucking duality, with having to kill them and wanting to save them at the same time."

Orochimaru scoffed, rolling his dark eyes skyward "I don't have time for your existential crisis tonight. You're a shinobi, start acting like one."

Jiraiya caught Tsunade's arm when she snarled and lunged at Orochimaru as he turned away "Let him go. It's not going to help anything."

Tsunade glared daggers at Orochimaru as he disappeared in a flurry of leaves. Jiraiya released her arm before she could tear it away from his grasp. He started to say something else, but Tsunade couldn't bear to hear it. She was tired of all the excuses and all the stupid men she had to deal with. She needed to forget her duty, if only for a little while. "If you'll excuse me, I need to create a hangover to nurse."

"Wait," Jiraiya started, but Tsunade was already gone.


End file.
